As promised, answers to the Christmas Quiz are as follows. Remember these are all true, no trick questions.........
1.B
2.C
3.A
4.B
5.B
6.B
7.B
8.C
9.A
10.C
11.B
12.C
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
The Twelve Days of Christmas - Big Al's Crapi Christmas Carol
On the twelth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
12 Ians falling
Eleven Marks with earache
Ten texts from Ian
Nine Robbos sprinting
Eight Craigs a whistling
Seven Mikes a spinning
Six Chris a climbing
Five Bad Backs
Four lost Rons
Three French climbs
Two Sweating Als
And a Crapi going to Maesbury.
my true love sent to me
12 Ians falling
Eleven Marks with earache
Ten texts from Ian
Nine Robbos sprinting
Eight Craigs a whistling
Seven Mikes a spinning
Six Chris a climbing
Five Bad Backs
Four lost Rons
Three French climbs
Two Sweating Als
And a Crapi going to Maesbury.
Monday, 20 December 2010
Crapiwheelers Christmas Quiz
How much do you know about the Alps and your riding buddies? These are all true, there are no trick questions. 2 points for each correct answer. Answers will be published in a day or two.
1. Ronnie is well known for his motivational and encouraging advice to his fellow riders but which of the following did Ronnie not say.
A. I don’t mind which way we go, just as long as we pick up the pace.
B. I suggest you take it very carefully on this fast, gravelly, downhill blind corner.
C. You did well today, you just need to go faster.
2. At what speed did Chris attempt to exit a particularly tight French motorway slip road?
A. 70kph
B. 100 Kph
C. 130 Kph
3. At which of the following watering holes did Big Al let off an unfeasibly loud fart in the presence of the cafe owner?
A. Vyrnwy cafe
B. Maesbury cafe
C. Bala cafe
4. Which of the following did Carl not say in 2010?
A. I’m getting some lights cos I want to get in more winter miles
B. I’m fed up of hills, can we do some nice flat rides into 50mph headwinds
C. Who’s this Ian bloke you keep talking about?
5. Which unlikely snack did Ronnie share with the lads in the middle of the French Alps?
A. Frogs legs
B. Welsh cakes
C. Bombay mix
6. Which member of the crapi peloton thought they they’d ridden from Venosc to Alpe d’huez in under an hour and a half, thus shattering Marco Pantani’s world record?
A. Paul
B. Mark
C. Chris
7. For approximately how long did Chris, Ron and Mark wander round Bourg supermarket with an empty trolley?
A. 2 minutes
B. 15 minutes
C. 2 hours
8. Which of the following investments did Ian purchase in the Summer of 2010 to set him up for the remainder of the year’s cycling calendar?
A. Skin suit and aero helmet
B. Deep section wheels for those long training rides
C. Comfy armchair and reclining sofa
9. Ronnie’s unintentional detour on Alp’ d’huez is well documented, but between which 2 numbered hairpin bends did Ronnie beat off a German attack and lose his way?
A. Hairpins 3 and 4
B. Hairpins 18 and 19
C. Hairpins 5 and 6
10. Which song did the crapiwheelers sing everytime they rode through a long dark French tunnel?
A. Dancing in the dark
B. Tunnel of love
C. Day-o, day-o
11. In metres, what is the combined altitude of the Croix de fer, Les Deux Alpes and Alpe D’Huez?
A. 3445 metres
B. 5695 metres
C. 6435 metres
12. All of the following have mysteriously disappeared over the years. Which one of the following famously disappeared on the 13th of June one year, despite the odd alleged sighting since?
A. Lord Lucan
B. Shergar
C. Ian
1. Ronnie is well known for his motivational and encouraging advice to his fellow riders but which of the following did Ronnie not say.
A. I don’t mind which way we go, just as long as we pick up the pace.
B. I suggest you take it very carefully on this fast, gravelly, downhill blind corner.
C. You did well today, you just need to go faster.
2. At what speed did Chris attempt to exit a particularly tight French motorway slip road?
A. 70kph
B. 100 Kph
C. 130 Kph
3. At which of the following watering holes did Big Al let off an unfeasibly loud fart in the presence of the cafe owner?
A. Vyrnwy cafe
B. Maesbury cafe
C. Bala cafe
4. Which of the following did Carl not say in 2010?
A. I’m getting some lights cos I want to get in more winter miles
B. I’m fed up of hills, can we do some nice flat rides into 50mph headwinds
C. Who’s this Ian bloke you keep talking about?
5. Which unlikely snack did Ronnie share with the lads in the middle of the French Alps?
A. Frogs legs
B. Welsh cakes
C. Bombay mix
6. Which member of the crapi peloton thought they they’d ridden from Venosc to Alpe d’huez in under an hour and a half, thus shattering Marco Pantani’s world record?
A. Paul
B. Mark
C. Chris
7. For approximately how long did Chris, Ron and Mark wander round Bourg supermarket with an empty trolley?
A. 2 minutes
B. 15 minutes
C. 2 hours
8. Which of the following investments did Ian purchase in the Summer of 2010 to set him up for the remainder of the year’s cycling calendar?
A. Skin suit and aero helmet
B. Deep section wheels for those long training rides
C. Comfy armchair and reclining sofa
9. Ronnie’s unintentional detour on Alp’ d’huez is well documented, but between which 2 numbered hairpin bends did Ronnie beat off a German attack and lose his way?
A. Hairpins 3 and 4
B. Hairpins 18 and 19
C. Hairpins 5 and 6
10. Which song did the crapiwheelers sing everytime they rode through a long dark French tunnel?
A. Dancing in the dark
B. Tunnel of love
C. Day-o, day-o
11. In metres, what is the combined altitude of the Croix de fer, Les Deux Alpes and Alpe D’Huez?
A. 3445 metres
B. 5695 metres
C. 6435 metres
12. All of the following have mysteriously disappeared over the years. Which one of the following famously disappeared on the 13th of June one year, despite the odd alleged sighting since?
A. Lord Lucan
B. Shergar
C. Ian
An ode to the Alps
After months of waiting and planning had passed
The 5th of June had arrived at long last
The boys were all packed and up with the lark,
Cos Big Al would be collecting them at 6 o’clock sharp
Ronnie wiped away a tear as he kissed goodbye to Lorraine
Would she ever see her sweet hubbie again?
‘Keep my man safe’, she cried out to Al Jones
And if he gets into trouble, I’ll break all your bones
Ahead of us lay long highways, vast mountains and sea,
But they’d finished all their butties before Overton on Dee
Chris soon took Ian’s wheel and sped through the gears
It was his first time on a motorway in 25 years
Soon we were sailing, leaving Blighty far behind,
All of us wondering what adventures we’d find
After driving 700 miles we were starting to grovel
And Paul had booked them into a nice little hovel
It’s perfectly safe, the patron had said,
But he still took his f***ing Roubaix to bed,
The bedbugs nipped at our bums, backs and scalps,
But the following day we would be in The Alps,
Ron, Mark and Chris went shopping and that much was folly,
For half an hour later they had f*** all in their trolley,
Eventually we arrived at our cabin of logs,
Where Al took a sh!t in his own private bog,
On the road to alpe d huez we chatted and laughed
For the next 14k would be f***ing hard graft
Chrissie shot off , Mark and Ron not far adrift,
Big Al rolled on by and Ian cadged a lift,
Around hairpin 4 Ronnie made some new friends,
3 German fellas called Hans, Fritz and Jens,
At the top of the Alpe the snow caps were glistening,
But it soon became clear that Ronnie was missing,
Al’s face turned ashen, he looked pretty bad,
Cos he’d told Lorraine he’d look after her lad,
The lads phoned, texted and shouted till Ronnie’s panic was over,
And he promised to stay close til they got back to Dover,
Mark checked his computer as his coffee was poured
And swore he’d just shattered panatni’s record
The climb of les deux alpes was as hard as it got,
And by around hairpin 3 our arses started to rot,
A cold beer at the top revived tired hearts and limbs,
While Ian relaxed back at camp with a nice glass of Pimms,
Ron still needed a photo so we said we’d come back and stop,
Around hairpin 3 on alpe d huez, just short of the top,
The very next day Ronnie’s woes were forgotten
Until Fritz shouted across ‘you’re supposed to start at ze bottom’
Friday arrived and it would be a massive day,
Cos the climb of the Glandon was 33k,
Chris and Paul teamed up well and went from the off,
Big Al dunked his head like a bull at a trough,
After 70 miles we arrived back at camp,
But Ron still tried to drop me on the f***ing last ramp,
Our bodies were broken, we all ached and groaned,
But we felt right as rain after some Cotes du Rhone
So as we sit here today in the middle of December
I hope this poem will help us all remember
The Cols we climbed and the valleys we delved,
Shall we go again in two thousand and twelve?
The 5th of June had arrived at long last
The boys were all packed and up with the lark,
Cos Big Al would be collecting them at 6 o’clock sharp
Ronnie wiped away a tear as he kissed goodbye to Lorraine
Would she ever see her sweet hubbie again?
‘Keep my man safe’, she cried out to Al Jones
And if he gets into trouble, I’ll break all your bones
Ahead of us lay long highways, vast mountains and sea,
But they’d finished all their butties before Overton on Dee
Chris soon took Ian’s wheel and sped through the gears
It was his first time on a motorway in 25 years
Soon we were sailing, leaving Blighty far behind,
All of us wondering what adventures we’d find
After driving 700 miles we were starting to grovel
And Paul had booked them into a nice little hovel
It’s perfectly safe, the patron had said,
But he still took his f***ing Roubaix to bed,
The bedbugs nipped at our bums, backs and scalps,
But the following day we would be in The Alps,
Ron, Mark and Chris went shopping and that much was folly,
For half an hour later they had f*** all in their trolley,
Eventually we arrived at our cabin of logs,
Where Al took a sh!t in his own private bog,
On the road to alpe d huez we chatted and laughed
For the next 14k would be f***ing hard graft
Chrissie shot off , Mark and Ron not far adrift,
Big Al rolled on by and Ian cadged a lift,
Around hairpin 4 Ronnie made some new friends,
3 German fellas called Hans, Fritz and Jens,
At the top of the Alpe the snow caps were glistening,
But it soon became clear that Ronnie was missing,
Al’s face turned ashen, he looked pretty bad,
Cos he’d told Lorraine he’d look after her lad,
The lads phoned, texted and shouted till Ronnie’s panic was over,
And he promised to stay close til they got back to Dover,
Mark checked his computer as his coffee was poured
And swore he’d just shattered panatni’s record
The climb of les deux alpes was as hard as it got,
And by around hairpin 3 our arses started to rot,
A cold beer at the top revived tired hearts and limbs,
While Ian relaxed back at camp with a nice glass of Pimms,
Ron still needed a photo so we said we’d come back and stop,
Around hairpin 3 on alpe d huez, just short of the top,
The very next day Ronnie’s woes were forgotten
Until Fritz shouted across ‘you’re supposed to start at ze bottom’
Friday arrived and it would be a massive day,
Cos the climb of the Glandon was 33k,
Chris and Paul teamed up well and went from the off,
Big Al dunked his head like a bull at a trough,
After 70 miles we arrived back at camp,
But Ron still tried to drop me on the f***ing last ramp,
Our bodies were broken, we all ached and groaned,
But we felt right as rain after some Cotes du Rhone
So as we sit here today in the middle of December
I hope this poem will help us all remember
The Cols we climbed and the valleys we delved,
Shall we go again in two thousand and twelve?
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