As promised, answers to the Christmas Quiz are as follows. Remember these are all true, no trick questions.........
1.B
2.C
3.A
4.B
5.B
6.B
7.B
8.C
9.A
10.C
11.B
12.C
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Tuesday 21 December 2010
The Twelve Days of Christmas - Big Al's Crapi Christmas Carol
On the twelth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
12 Ians falling
Eleven Marks with earache
Ten texts from Ian
Nine Robbos sprinting
Eight Craigs a whistling
Seven Mikes a spinning
Six Chris a climbing
Five Bad Backs
Four lost Rons
Three French climbs
Two Sweating Als
And a Crapi going to Maesbury.
my true love sent to me
12 Ians falling
Eleven Marks with earache
Ten texts from Ian
Nine Robbos sprinting
Eight Craigs a whistling
Seven Mikes a spinning
Six Chris a climbing
Five Bad Backs
Four lost Rons
Three French climbs
Two Sweating Als
And a Crapi going to Maesbury.
Monday 20 December 2010
Crapiwheelers Christmas Quiz
How much do you know about the Alps and your riding buddies? These are all true, there are no trick questions. 2 points for each correct answer. Answers will be published in a day or two.
1. Ronnie is well known for his motivational and encouraging advice to his fellow riders but which of the following did Ronnie not say.
A. I don’t mind which way we go, just as long as we pick up the pace.
B. I suggest you take it very carefully on this fast, gravelly, downhill blind corner.
C. You did well today, you just need to go faster.
2. At what speed did Chris attempt to exit a particularly tight French motorway slip road?
A. 70kph
B. 100 Kph
C. 130 Kph
3. At which of the following watering holes did Big Al let off an unfeasibly loud fart in the presence of the cafe owner?
A. Vyrnwy cafe
B. Maesbury cafe
C. Bala cafe
4. Which of the following did Carl not say in 2010?
A. I’m getting some lights cos I want to get in more winter miles
B. I’m fed up of hills, can we do some nice flat rides into 50mph headwinds
C. Who’s this Ian bloke you keep talking about?
5. Which unlikely snack did Ronnie share with the lads in the middle of the French Alps?
A. Frogs legs
B. Welsh cakes
C. Bombay mix
6. Which member of the crapi peloton thought they they’d ridden from Venosc to Alpe d’huez in under an hour and a half, thus shattering Marco Pantani’s world record?
A. Paul
B. Mark
C. Chris
7. For approximately how long did Chris, Ron and Mark wander round Bourg supermarket with an empty trolley?
A. 2 minutes
B. 15 minutes
C. 2 hours
8. Which of the following investments did Ian purchase in the Summer of 2010 to set him up for the remainder of the year’s cycling calendar?
A. Skin suit and aero helmet
B. Deep section wheels for those long training rides
C. Comfy armchair and reclining sofa
9. Ronnie’s unintentional detour on Alp’ d’huez is well documented, but between which 2 numbered hairpin bends did Ronnie beat off a German attack and lose his way?
A. Hairpins 3 and 4
B. Hairpins 18 and 19
C. Hairpins 5 and 6
10. Which song did the crapiwheelers sing everytime they rode through a long dark French tunnel?
A. Dancing in the dark
B. Tunnel of love
C. Day-o, day-o
11. In metres, what is the combined altitude of the Croix de fer, Les Deux Alpes and Alpe D’Huez?
A. 3445 metres
B. 5695 metres
C. 6435 metres
12. All of the following have mysteriously disappeared over the years. Which one of the following famously disappeared on the 13th of June one year, despite the odd alleged sighting since?
A. Lord Lucan
B. Shergar
C. Ian
1. Ronnie is well known for his motivational and encouraging advice to his fellow riders but which of the following did Ronnie not say.
A. I don’t mind which way we go, just as long as we pick up the pace.
B. I suggest you take it very carefully on this fast, gravelly, downhill blind corner.
C. You did well today, you just need to go faster.
2. At what speed did Chris attempt to exit a particularly tight French motorway slip road?
A. 70kph
B. 100 Kph
C. 130 Kph
3. At which of the following watering holes did Big Al let off an unfeasibly loud fart in the presence of the cafe owner?
A. Vyrnwy cafe
B. Maesbury cafe
C. Bala cafe
4. Which of the following did Carl not say in 2010?
A. I’m getting some lights cos I want to get in more winter miles
B. I’m fed up of hills, can we do some nice flat rides into 50mph headwinds
C. Who’s this Ian bloke you keep talking about?
5. Which unlikely snack did Ronnie share with the lads in the middle of the French Alps?
A. Frogs legs
B. Welsh cakes
C. Bombay mix
6. Which member of the crapi peloton thought they they’d ridden from Venosc to Alpe d’huez in under an hour and a half, thus shattering Marco Pantani’s world record?
A. Paul
B. Mark
C. Chris
7. For approximately how long did Chris, Ron and Mark wander round Bourg supermarket with an empty trolley?
A. 2 minutes
B. 15 minutes
C. 2 hours
8. Which of the following investments did Ian purchase in the Summer of 2010 to set him up for the remainder of the year’s cycling calendar?
A. Skin suit and aero helmet
B. Deep section wheels for those long training rides
C. Comfy armchair and reclining sofa
9. Ronnie’s unintentional detour on Alp’ d’huez is well documented, but between which 2 numbered hairpin bends did Ronnie beat off a German attack and lose his way?
A. Hairpins 3 and 4
B. Hairpins 18 and 19
C. Hairpins 5 and 6
10. Which song did the crapiwheelers sing everytime they rode through a long dark French tunnel?
A. Dancing in the dark
B. Tunnel of love
C. Day-o, day-o
11. In metres, what is the combined altitude of the Croix de fer, Les Deux Alpes and Alpe D’Huez?
A. 3445 metres
B. 5695 metres
C. 6435 metres
12. All of the following have mysteriously disappeared over the years. Which one of the following famously disappeared on the 13th of June one year, despite the odd alleged sighting since?
A. Lord Lucan
B. Shergar
C. Ian
An ode to the Alps
After months of waiting and planning had passed
The 5th of June had arrived at long last
The boys were all packed and up with the lark,
Cos Big Al would be collecting them at 6 o’clock sharp
Ronnie wiped away a tear as he kissed goodbye to Lorraine
Would she ever see her sweet hubbie again?
‘Keep my man safe’, she cried out to Al Jones
And if he gets into trouble, I’ll break all your bones
Ahead of us lay long highways, vast mountains and sea,
But they’d finished all their butties before Overton on Dee
Chris soon took Ian’s wheel and sped through the gears
It was his first time on a motorway in 25 years
Soon we were sailing, leaving Blighty far behind,
All of us wondering what adventures we’d find
After driving 700 miles we were starting to grovel
And Paul had booked them into a nice little hovel
It’s perfectly safe, the patron had said,
But he still took his f***ing Roubaix to bed,
The bedbugs nipped at our bums, backs and scalps,
But the following day we would be in The Alps,
Ron, Mark and Chris went shopping and that much was folly,
For half an hour later they had f*** all in their trolley,
Eventually we arrived at our cabin of logs,
Where Al took a sh!t in his own private bog,
On the road to alpe d huez we chatted and laughed
For the next 14k would be f***ing hard graft
Chrissie shot off , Mark and Ron not far adrift,
Big Al rolled on by and Ian cadged a lift,
Around hairpin 4 Ronnie made some new friends,
3 German fellas called Hans, Fritz and Jens,
At the top of the Alpe the snow caps were glistening,
But it soon became clear that Ronnie was missing,
Al’s face turned ashen, he looked pretty bad,
Cos he’d told Lorraine he’d look after her lad,
The lads phoned, texted and shouted till Ronnie’s panic was over,
And he promised to stay close til they got back to Dover,
Mark checked his computer as his coffee was poured
And swore he’d just shattered panatni’s record
The climb of les deux alpes was as hard as it got,
And by around hairpin 3 our arses started to rot,
A cold beer at the top revived tired hearts and limbs,
While Ian relaxed back at camp with a nice glass of Pimms,
Ron still needed a photo so we said we’d come back and stop,
Around hairpin 3 on alpe d huez, just short of the top,
The very next day Ronnie’s woes were forgotten
Until Fritz shouted across ‘you’re supposed to start at ze bottom’
Friday arrived and it would be a massive day,
Cos the climb of the Glandon was 33k,
Chris and Paul teamed up well and went from the off,
Big Al dunked his head like a bull at a trough,
After 70 miles we arrived back at camp,
But Ron still tried to drop me on the f***ing last ramp,
Our bodies were broken, we all ached and groaned,
But we felt right as rain after some Cotes du Rhone
So as we sit here today in the middle of December
I hope this poem will help us all remember
The Cols we climbed and the valleys we delved,
Shall we go again in two thousand and twelve?
The 5th of June had arrived at long last
The boys were all packed and up with the lark,
Cos Big Al would be collecting them at 6 o’clock sharp
Ronnie wiped away a tear as he kissed goodbye to Lorraine
Would she ever see her sweet hubbie again?
‘Keep my man safe’, she cried out to Al Jones
And if he gets into trouble, I’ll break all your bones
Ahead of us lay long highways, vast mountains and sea,
But they’d finished all their butties before Overton on Dee
Chris soon took Ian’s wheel and sped through the gears
It was his first time on a motorway in 25 years
Soon we were sailing, leaving Blighty far behind,
All of us wondering what adventures we’d find
After driving 700 miles we were starting to grovel
And Paul had booked them into a nice little hovel
It’s perfectly safe, the patron had said,
But he still took his f***ing Roubaix to bed,
The bedbugs nipped at our bums, backs and scalps,
But the following day we would be in The Alps,
Ron, Mark and Chris went shopping and that much was folly,
For half an hour later they had f*** all in their trolley,
Eventually we arrived at our cabin of logs,
Where Al took a sh!t in his own private bog,
On the road to alpe d huez we chatted and laughed
For the next 14k would be f***ing hard graft
Chrissie shot off , Mark and Ron not far adrift,
Big Al rolled on by and Ian cadged a lift,
Around hairpin 4 Ronnie made some new friends,
3 German fellas called Hans, Fritz and Jens,
At the top of the Alpe the snow caps were glistening,
But it soon became clear that Ronnie was missing,
Al’s face turned ashen, he looked pretty bad,
Cos he’d told Lorraine he’d look after her lad,
The lads phoned, texted and shouted till Ronnie’s panic was over,
And he promised to stay close til they got back to Dover,
Mark checked his computer as his coffee was poured
And swore he’d just shattered panatni’s record
The climb of les deux alpes was as hard as it got,
And by around hairpin 3 our arses started to rot,
A cold beer at the top revived tired hearts and limbs,
While Ian relaxed back at camp with a nice glass of Pimms,
Ron still needed a photo so we said we’d come back and stop,
Around hairpin 3 on alpe d huez, just short of the top,
The very next day Ronnie’s woes were forgotten
Until Fritz shouted across ‘you’re supposed to start at ze bottom’
Friday arrived and it would be a massive day,
Cos the climb of the Glandon was 33k,
Chris and Paul teamed up well and went from the off,
Big Al dunked his head like a bull at a trough,
After 70 miles we arrived back at camp,
But Ron still tried to drop me on the f***ing last ramp,
Our bodies were broken, we all ached and groaned,
But we felt right as rain after some Cotes du Rhone
So as we sit here today in the middle of December
I hope this poem will help us all remember
The Cols we climbed and the valleys we delved,
Shall we go again in two thousand and twelve?
Monday 26 July 2010
Ironman UK
All of the Crapiwheelers wish Alan Lewis the very best of luck as he attempts his biggest sporting challenge so far on the 1st of August. Just one more week then you can eat as much Haagen Dazs as you want mate!
Saturday 17 July 2010
Saturday 17th of July 2010
THE BLAENAU BACK-BREAKER
Cast - Robbo, Big Al, Chris, Ron, Carl
Route - Bala, Cerrigydrudion, Betws, Blaenau, Maentwrog, Trawsfynydd, Cwm Prysor, Bala
What went well - Great breakfast in Betws, rain cleared up after brekkie, fantastic hard climbs all day, tail wind on the way back.
What didn't go so well
Al's bike fell over in car park - result - Dura Ace scratched rear mech
Robbo forgot to pay and display - result - worried all day that his car had been clamped
Al's back tyre 'exploded' - result - lads all laughed, Al shit himself
The lads got separated on the Blaenau climb - result - Ronnie took the wrong turn, ended up lost, friendly passing Land Rover had to go and retrieve him
The lads got separated on the Maentwrog climb - result - Big Al did the last 25 miles solo as he opted for the wrong road out of Traws and broke a spoke
All in all a pretty eventful day for the Crapiwheelers, 62 miles 17mph ave
Cast - Robbo, Big Al, Chris, Ron, Carl
Route - Bala, Cerrigydrudion, Betws, Blaenau, Maentwrog, Trawsfynydd, Cwm Prysor, Bala
What went well - Great breakfast in Betws, rain cleared up after brekkie, fantastic hard climbs all day, tail wind on the way back.
What didn't go so well
Al's bike fell over in car park - result - Dura Ace scratched rear mech
Robbo forgot to pay and display - result - worried all day that his car had been clamped
Al's back tyre 'exploded' - result - lads all laughed, Al shit himself
The lads got separated on the Blaenau climb - result - Ronnie took the wrong turn, ended up lost, friendly passing Land Rover had to go and retrieve him
The lads got separated on the Maentwrog climb - result - Big Al did the last 25 miles solo as he opted for the wrong road out of Traws and broke a spoke
All in all a pretty eventful day for the Crapiwheelers, 62 miles 17mph ave
Monday 3 May 2010
Sunday 2nd of May 2010
I could have sworn that I was still fast asleep and dreaming when I saw Simon on his shiny new Colnago outside my house, together with Mark (Daniel Craig) and Al Lewis. Despite this impressive turnout from the Oswestry boys, followers of the Lantern will be saddened to learn that he was otherwise engaged this weekend. If I was a betting man, I'd say there's more chance of Lord Lucan turning up for one of our rides on Shergar, than there is of our hero making it every week. We met up with the usual suspects at Chirk, and welcomed two new riders (Carl and George) to the Crapi peloton to bring our numbers to 10 for the day.
The patron's route finding and planning skills were then tested to the max as Al Lewis begged him to engineer a course to the cafe stop that would take exactly 2 hours and 54 minutes (or something like that) to give him time to fit in a double espresso before a leisurely 10 mile run. Alas, the strain proved too much for the patron, and an impromptu route check in the midst of the Clundy resulted in hard braking and the inevitable train crash as Ron couldn't avoid touching a wheel and came to ground. The only casualty was a buckled wheel and a broken cleat as the rather more cautious group wound it's way to Maesbury. The return route was via Selattyn and a stiff climb to Glyn Ceiriog, before barrelling along the Ceiriog valley, dodging potholes as we went. 63 miles.
The patron's route finding and planning skills were then tested to the max as Al Lewis begged him to engineer a course to the cafe stop that would take exactly 2 hours and 54 minutes (or something like that) to give him time to fit in a double espresso before a leisurely 10 mile run. Alas, the strain proved too much for the patron, and an impromptu route check in the midst of the Clundy resulted in hard braking and the inevitable train crash as Ron couldn't avoid touching a wheel and came to ground. The only casualty was a buckled wheel and a broken cleat as the rather more cautious group wound it's way to Maesbury. The return route was via Selattyn and a stiff climb to Glyn Ceiriog, before barrelling along the Ceiriog valley, dodging potholes as we went. 63 miles.
Sunday 25 April 2010
Saturday 24th April 2010 - Seaside sufferfest
The met office had promised a day of Sun, so we headed off to the Welsh coast for some sea and suffering. After a chilly start, arm-warmers were dispensed with en route from Dolgellau to Tywyn and we were well and truly warmed up after overtaking a slightly bemused driver doing 35+ mph on the flat. The cafe stop at Aberdyfi came all too soon, where tans and bellies were topped up during a pleasant half hour of gentle piss-taking. After the cafe, the pace was sensibly steady into a moderate headwind, with everyone pitching in on the front. At Corris, the road kicked up, as did the pace, and it wasn't long before le patron uttered the inevitable words 'I'll drag the lad up the climb, you lot can go and play'. This was Chris' cue to turn the screw and eventually Craig succumbed to the pressure. After a brief but fast descent to Tan Y Llyn, Chris, Ron, Robbo and Craig were all back together at the foot of the final long climb past Cadair Idris. Bottom gear was selected all round, as Ronnie took us up the first steep section. Chris then breezed through and casually knocked it down a couple of cogs and up a couple of mph. Ronnie and Robbo followed as Craig eventually dropped back. Chris upped the pace further whilst Robbo kept him pegged at a steady distance, before gradually joining him to reach the summit of the climb together. The fast and furious descent back into Dolgellau was a fantastic reward for all the climbing that we'd done since leaving the coast. A classic short(ish) route and one of our favourites. 50 miles, ave 17.6 mph.
Sunday 21 March 2010
14/03/10 - Bala - Ffestiniog- Bleanau-Betws-A5- Bala WHO BLEW THE CANDLE OUT?
CAST: Big Al (patron), Paul (Matinee Idol), Chris & Ron (The Boulder Brothers), Mark (No nickname**), Ian (The Lantern) & Mike (the Candle)
** After spotting him wearing a ‘Benny’ hat indoors I had wanted this to be his nickname. However, that style guru Matinee informed me they are now known as ‘Beanie’ hats and quite fashionable. Once a ‘Benny’ always a ‘Benny’ I say but who am I to comment on the victims of fashion………
The day dawned fresh which was more than the crapis looked as they assembled in Bala at far too bloody early in the morning. The mood further darkened when the patron announced he was ‘taking it easy today boys as I've been bad all week’; this old chestnut is normally a precursor to him riding the legs off everyone.
The ride starts and before the peleton’s ridden a mile, bang, the road points up and the Lantern has turned a funny colour. The rest of the peleton seems pretty relaxed and even the Candle relishes the chance to make the Lantern suffer as the road grinds up towards Llyn Celyn. Onwards and upwards they go, the Lantern is now making the kind of noises normally associated with an antelope being torn apart by a pack of lions. Eventually the patron takes pity and says ‘I’ll just go and drag me lad back’. Eventually the patron drags the Lantern back to Ron and the Candle (a Roman candle perhaps??) and shoots straight past just to make a point!! Mark (definitely not Benny), Chris and Matinee have stopped up the road and put their feet up to wait. After the Sunday Times has been read the rest of the peleton appear. The lantern knows the score and moves to the front just as Ron and the Patron fly up a hill to rejoin the breakaway. The Candle, being new and naïve, pauses at the crest of the hill for a drink. When he looks up the rest have gone, rocketing down the road into Ffestiniog and despite achieving mach 2 on his descent, he can’t catch the rest until Mark shames the Lantern into slowing down and waiting for his brother.
Once again the peleton splits between Ffestiniog and Bleanau. Soon Chris and Matinee pull away on the climb up the Crimea. Mark struggles to rejoin Ron and the Patron and the Candle soon distances the Lantern. The Lantern thinks he’ll just crest the climb and the Candle will wait for him to ride into Betws. Not a bit of it. The Candle shoots off like road runner - albeit a quite podgy, definitely seen better days road runner - and it takes the lantern a good 5 miles to catch him.
Eventually the sanctuary of the café arrives. Due to their late arrival and his touchingly innocent approach to manners the Candle is still finishing his breakfast as the Patron rockets off down the road (‘I was only going slow honest….’). As a result a new first - the Candle fails to rejoin straight from the café stop!!
Despite Chris’ best efforts it appears the Candle has been snuffed out early and the Patron eventually decides to tow him home and let the rest of the peleton have its head. Onwards up the A5 Chris, Ron, Matinee and Definitely not Benny up the pace whilst the Lantern just hangs on for grim death!! In Pentrefoelas the Lantern loses contact and pedals on safe in the knowledge that he’ll be swept up by the Patron sooner or later.
The leading four continue to work well until the turning off the A5 where a swift acceleration by Matinee - ‘I don’t like the climb so wanted to get it over with’ - split’s the group in two. Chris and Matinee put the hammer down in a not at all competitive attempt to distance Not Benny and Ron. The leading four all barrel along back to Bala and all have a long wait at the car park as a result.
So what of the plucky lantern, patron and candle? Well the Lantern had a reasonable ride home and arrived knackered after riding the last hour plus on his own. The patron nearly had an orgasm on his bike when he spotted a red kite and it was only his new softer suspension that spared his blushes. The candle battled gamely and occasionally thought his legs had recovered sufficiently to ask Patron to up the tempo. Even an increase of 1mph saw the candle leave the back of the patron faster than a volley of the Patron’s farts (you all know how fast that is…!!). Nevertheless he gritted his teeth, chewed his bars and died a number of deaths before, with huge thanks to the Patron, he made it back to the car park.
Another top ride for the peleton and here’s looking forward to the next one. Cheers guys!
** After spotting him wearing a ‘Benny’ hat indoors I had wanted this to be his nickname. However, that style guru Matinee informed me they are now known as ‘Beanie’ hats and quite fashionable. Once a ‘Benny’ always a ‘Benny’ I say but who am I to comment on the victims of fashion………
The day dawned fresh which was more than the crapis looked as they assembled in Bala at far too bloody early in the morning. The mood further darkened when the patron announced he was ‘taking it easy today boys as I've been bad all week’; this old chestnut is normally a precursor to him riding the legs off everyone.
The ride starts and before the peleton’s ridden a mile, bang, the road points up and the Lantern has turned a funny colour. The rest of the peleton seems pretty relaxed and even the Candle relishes the chance to make the Lantern suffer as the road grinds up towards Llyn Celyn. Onwards and upwards they go, the Lantern is now making the kind of noises normally associated with an antelope being torn apart by a pack of lions. Eventually the patron takes pity and says ‘I’ll just go and drag me lad back’. Eventually the patron drags the Lantern back to Ron and the Candle (a Roman candle perhaps??) and shoots straight past just to make a point!! Mark (definitely not Benny), Chris and Matinee have stopped up the road and put their feet up to wait. After the Sunday Times has been read the rest of the peleton appear. The lantern knows the score and moves to the front just as Ron and the Patron fly up a hill to rejoin the breakaway. The Candle, being new and naïve, pauses at the crest of the hill for a drink. When he looks up the rest have gone, rocketing down the road into Ffestiniog and despite achieving mach 2 on his descent, he can’t catch the rest until Mark shames the Lantern into slowing down and waiting for his brother.
Once again the peleton splits between Ffestiniog and Bleanau. Soon Chris and Matinee pull away on the climb up the Crimea. Mark struggles to rejoin Ron and the Patron and the Candle soon distances the Lantern. The Lantern thinks he’ll just crest the climb and the Candle will wait for him to ride into Betws. Not a bit of it. The Candle shoots off like road runner - albeit a quite podgy, definitely seen better days road runner - and it takes the lantern a good 5 miles to catch him.
Eventually the sanctuary of the café arrives. Due to their late arrival and his touchingly innocent approach to manners the Candle is still finishing his breakfast as the Patron rockets off down the road (‘I was only going slow honest….’). As a result a new first - the Candle fails to rejoin straight from the café stop!!
Despite Chris’ best efforts it appears the Candle has been snuffed out early and the Patron eventually decides to tow him home and let the rest of the peleton have its head. Onwards up the A5 Chris, Ron, Matinee and Definitely not Benny up the pace whilst the Lantern just hangs on for grim death!! In Pentrefoelas the Lantern loses contact and pedals on safe in the knowledge that he’ll be swept up by the Patron sooner or later.
The leading four continue to work well until the turning off the A5 where a swift acceleration by Matinee - ‘I don’t like the climb so wanted to get it over with’ - split’s the group in two. Chris and Matinee put the hammer down in a not at all competitive attempt to distance Not Benny and Ron. The leading four all barrel along back to Bala and all have a long wait at the car park as a result.
So what of the plucky lantern, patron and candle? Well the Lantern had a reasonable ride home and arrived knackered after riding the last hour plus on his own. The patron nearly had an orgasm on his bike when he spotted a red kite and it was only his new softer suspension that spared his blushes. The candle battled gamely and occasionally thought his legs had recovered sufficiently to ask Patron to up the tempo. Even an increase of 1mph saw the candle leave the back of the patron faster than a volley of the Patron’s farts (you all know how fast that is…!!). Nevertheless he gritted his teeth, chewed his bars and died a number of deaths before, with huge thanks to the Patron, he made it back to the car park.
Another top ride for the peleton and here’s looking forward to the next one. Cheers guys!
Sunday 14 March 2010
Sunday 14th of March - The Blaenau lung buster
Reporting for duty were me, Al, Chris, Ian, Mark, Ron and Mike. Yes, Mike is still keen to undergo further suffering in the name of enjoyment, and even managed to drop his younger more experienced brother (The Lantern) on the long steep climb out of Blaenau Ffestiniog!!!. I won't go into any great detail, as The Lantern has promised to let us have his usual inimitable literary contribution later this evening. The route was only 54 miles but with loads of climbing coupled with hard 30mph+ flat sections, it was a very tough day on the bike.
Sunday 7 March 2010
Sunday 7th of March - Spring is in the air
A beautiful cold and sunny day drew the biggest group of the year so far. Ten riders turned out in Oswestry at 9am sharp for a trip to Welshpool via the darkest Shropshire Clundy. I'd better name all as I'm sure this is a record for the Crapiwheelers, or certainly in the 6 years or so that I've been riding with them. Today's riders were me, Ian, Big Al, Little Al, Chris, Ron, Simon, Craig, Mark and Mike. I won't go into any more detail, as Ian is once again treating us to his account of the ride from his own unique perspective in the peloton, so enjoy another edition of Ian's 'Off the back'.
07/03/10 - The Patron’s new toy
All week the Patron has been saying ‘If the weather’s good summer bikes on Sunday’ and so it proved (at least for some of us). Le Patron turned up and was practically frothing at the mouth at the thought of using his trusty new steed on an official CRAPI outing. He was accompanied by Chris and Ron (the Boulder brothers possibly?), Matinee was already there as was the Lantern and his older brother - The Candle possibly? Mark (still no nickname so answers on a postcard) also arrived and was followed by recent recruit Craig (Blubber bear from wacky races maybe?). Simon ‘I’m desperate to get come out with you lads, just not this week’ (even the Lantern is sighted more often!!) arrived with Alan ‘Terminator’ Lewis (Mark 1 obviously). 10 riders!! A record for recent CRAPI rides.
Out of Oswestry to the Crossroads at Llynclys and then its right turn Clyde. The Candle bedecked in purple Ron Hills that makes him look like Blanche out of Corrie is putting in a good early showing, but the Lantern knows the truce won’t last; somebody somewhere will soon up the pace.
Actually the pace continues to be somewhat steady and quite enjoyable; the sun is out; Simon & Allan are comparing new bikes and all is well with the world. Lewis is telling the Lantern that he’s glad he’s out as it avoids them having to talk about him on the ride; the irony appears lost.
A fairly uneventful passage ensues to the first real climb of the day although the Candle’s face does manage to match the colour of his pants on several occasions! All too soon Alan Lewis and Simon have to leave us to forge ahead on their training ride - their heart rate/peak oxygen flow co-efficient had dipped below 7.5 or something technical like that. The rumour in the peloton is that Lewis’ better half has told him he needs to improve his stamina or else; not quite sure he’s got the right end of the stick there.
Riders begin to string out on the climb and the Candle, in true family tradition, is soon groveling at the back with the Lantern just ahead. Boulder Brother Ron stops for a slash and picks up a couple of dogs - not for the first time by all accounts!! Eventually the crest is reached and most of the bunch comes together on the descent. Apart from Boulder Bro Chris and Matinee, who have rocketed off the front in a no way competitive ride off to the café. It is feasible that Matinee simply needed the extra time to fix his hair before the lads arrived!!
Six manager’s specials and two fat bastard specials later, the somewhat heavier peleton left Welshpool. The pace was somewhat gentler immediately after the restart so it was disconcerting to see Mark off the back - thankfully he’d stopped to check his phone and not chuck the fat bastard breakfast he’d just consumed. Heading towards Buttington (at least that’s where I think it was) there was a rare phenomena that's only witnessed every 3 years or so - the Lantern did a turn on the front. He later told Blubber he was just showing him what it involved so he could have a go next time!! Turning off onto the undulating back lanes a split occurred in the peleton near the old observatory. Matinee, the Patron, the Boulder Brothers and unbelievably the Lantern (I can just here Ligget saying ‘…do my eyes deceive me or is that the Lantern - what’s he doing there’. At about the same time the Lantern was asking himself the same thing as the others put the hammer down so much he almost achieved take off speed. Had Le Patron’s rear thrusters come on at that moment he’d have landed in Shrewsbury.
After a brief detour for the rear of the peloton, the pack reformed and steadily headed back to Oswestry. About 5 miles out the wick was turned down and the Candle was snuffed out. After a sterling first ride with the lads he suffered the indignity of being towed home by the Lantern. Boulder Bro Ronnie was heard to mutter ‘About time he did some f*@king work’.
A lovely ride all round and nice to see the sun and the summer bikes. Thanks everyone for such an enjoyable ride and see you all next weekend.
07/03/10 - The Patron’s new toy
All week the Patron has been saying ‘If the weather’s good summer bikes on Sunday’ and so it proved (at least for some of us). Le Patron turned up and was practically frothing at the mouth at the thought of using his trusty new steed on an official CRAPI outing. He was accompanied by Chris and Ron (the Boulder brothers possibly?), Matinee was already there as was the Lantern and his older brother - The Candle possibly? Mark (still no nickname so answers on a postcard) also arrived and was followed by recent recruit Craig (Blubber bear from wacky races maybe?). Simon ‘I’m desperate to get come out with you lads, just not this week’ (even the Lantern is sighted more often!!) arrived with Alan ‘Terminator’ Lewis (Mark 1 obviously). 10 riders!! A record for recent CRAPI rides.
Out of Oswestry to the Crossroads at Llynclys and then its right turn Clyde. The Candle bedecked in purple Ron Hills that makes him look like Blanche out of Corrie is putting in a good early showing, but the Lantern knows the truce won’t last; somebody somewhere will soon up the pace.
Actually the pace continues to be somewhat steady and quite enjoyable; the sun is out; Simon & Allan are comparing new bikes and all is well with the world. Lewis is telling the Lantern that he’s glad he’s out as it avoids them having to talk about him on the ride; the irony appears lost.
A fairly uneventful passage ensues to the first real climb of the day although the Candle’s face does manage to match the colour of his pants on several occasions! All too soon Alan Lewis and Simon have to leave us to forge ahead on their training ride - their heart rate/peak oxygen flow co-efficient had dipped below 7.5 or something technical like that. The rumour in the peloton is that Lewis’ better half has told him he needs to improve his stamina or else; not quite sure he’s got the right end of the stick there.
Riders begin to string out on the climb and the Candle, in true family tradition, is soon groveling at the back with the Lantern just ahead. Boulder Brother Ron stops for a slash and picks up a couple of dogs - not for the first time by all accounts!! Eventually the crest is reached and most of the bunch comes together on the descent. Apart from Boulder Bro Chris and Matinee, who have rocketed off the front in a no way competitive ride off to the café. It is feasible that Matinee simply needed the extra time to fix his hair before the lads arrived!!
Six manager’s specials and two fat bastard specials later, the somewhat heavier peleton left Welshpool. The pace was somewhat gentler immediately after the restart so it was disconcerting to see Mark off the back - thankfully he’d stopped to check his phone and not chuck the fat bastard breakfast he’d just consumed. Heading towards Buttington (at least that’s where I think it was) there was a rare phenomena that's only witnessed every 3 years or so - the Lantern did a turn on the front. He later told Blubber he was just showing him what it involved so he could have a go next time!! Turning off onto the undulating back lanes a split occurred in the peleton near the old observatory. Matinee, the Patron, the Boulder Brothers and unbelievably the Lantern (I can just here Ligget saying ‘…do my eyes deceive me or is that the Lantern - what’s he doing there’. At about the same time the Lantern was asking himself the same thing as the others put the hammer down so much he almost achieved take off speed. Had Le Patron’s rear thrusters come on at that moment he’d have landed in Shrewsbury.
After a brief detour for the rear of the peloton, the pack reformed and steadily headed back to Oswestry. About 5 miles out the wick was turned down and the Candle was snuffed out. After a sterling first ride with the lads he suffered the indignity of being towed home by the Lantern. Boulder Bro Ronnie was heard to mutter ‘About time he did some f*@king work’.
A lovely ride all round and nice to see the sun and the summer bikes. Thanks everyone for such an enjoyable ride and see you all next weekend.
Sunday 28 February 2010
Saturday 27th of February
No ride last weekend (thank to the 3 inches of snow that fell Saturday night) so Big Al thought he'd better throw in a few extra miles this weekend for good measure. Iron Man Lewis and Robbo met the Wrexham boys in Overton. I won't bore you with full details, suffice to say the first 5 minutes of conversation concerned the whereabouts of our absent rear gunner Ian (although to be fair, if I got home at 1.30am after watching the rugby I wouldn't have made it either!). I remain fairly confident that his French preparations are under control and he will surprise us all when he puts in a PB on Alpe D'Huez in this Summer.
We steadily made our way via Penley, Hanmer and Whitchurch to the Raven cafe at Prees, where we enjoyed a full breakfast and mug of tea for less than the cost of a spare tube. After Prees, the pace inevitably picked up. Mark led a long and valiant attack on the draggy climb past Prees village, before Robbo demonstrated a little over-exuberance on the road to Wem. As soon as things had calmed down, Mark again did a sterling turn on the front, only to be rewarded by a group acceleration up a very steep hill. Ron continued to show tip-top form for so early in the year, dancing up each and every rise like Fred Astaire on a cocktail of Iron Bru and Pro-plus!
As the group rolled into Ellesmere Robbo had a choice a) go home to a hot shower, hot coffee and an afternoon of rugby on the telly or b) ride straight past his house and carry on over the Brow to Whittington with the rest of the bunch in the ever deteriorating weather. The ascent of the Brow was steady and was rewarded with a fast approach into Whittington, before turning for St Martins and the stinging little climbs ahead. A subsequent telephone conversation between Robbo and Big Al later in the afternoon confirmed that there were tired hearts and legs by the time we all got home. All in all this was quite a tough day in the saddle in pretty bad weather, 60 odd miles and just under 18mph average. But as Lewis might sagely say, Winter miles = Summer smiles.
We steadily made our way via Penley, Hanmer and Whitchurch to the Raven cafe at Prees, where we enjoyed a full breakfast and mug of tea for less than the cost of a spare tube. After Prees, the pace inevitably picked up. Mark led a long and valiant attack on the draggy climb past Prees village, before Robbo demonstrated a little over-exuberance on the road to Wem. As soon as things had calmed down, Mark again did a sterling turn on the front, only to be rewarded by a group acceleration up a very steep hill. Ron continued to show tip-top form for so early in the year, dancing up each and every rise like Fred Astaire on a cocktail of Iron Bru and Pro-plus!
As the group rolled into Ellesmere Robbo had a choice a) go home to a hot shower, hot coffee and an afternoon of rugby on the telly or b) ride straight past his house and carry on over the Brow to Whittington with the rest of the bunch in the ever deteriorating weather. The ascent of the Brow was steady and was rewarded with a fast approach into Whittington, before turning for St Martins and the stinging little climbs ahead. A subsequent telephone conversation between Robbo and Big Al later in the afternoon confirmed that there were tired hearts and legs by the time we all got home. All in all this was quite a tough day in the saddle in pretty bad weather, 60 odd miles and just under 18mph average. But as Lewis might sagely say, Winter miles = Summer smiles.
Monday 15 February 2010
St Valentine's Day Massacre
I'd arranged to meet the Wrexham lads at Chirk, and was joined by not one, but two Iron Man fitness freaks this week, Al Lewis and Mark. Our numbers were swelled to nine when we were joined by the Wrexham lads as we made our merry way to Oswestry and the hilly challenges ahead. First up - The Racecourse Hill. Alan and I watched from a safe distance as Craig and Iron Man Mark vied for leadership glory up the testing climb, before steadily panting our way past to snatch the summit. The rest of the boys followed quickly, but where was Ian, had he turned back? After a few minutes our hero rolled into view, weaving around like Andy Powell in a golf buggy. Next came the 'beast' shortly after Llansilin, with Chris ably rising to the challenge to ride the whole way seated on a 39 x 25. Remind me never to bet against him if there's money involved. After a fast descent to Maesbury via Blodwell bank, we all settled in for the usual fare at Canal Central before the heavy legged return trip. Big Al has since checked his records and has confirmed that we did the same ride this time last year on our Summer bikes, but at a slower pace. Looks like it's going to be one heck of a Summer.
Wednesday 10 February 2010
Sunday 7th February 2010
Happy New Year!
January saw a slightly reduced Crapi peloton as the after effects of Christmas colds and apathy clung on to one or two weary members. A few hardy souls braved the frosts and ice for a trip to Bala two weeks ago, but our numbers were swelled to six this week (welcome to Craig)for a 50 mile route of the Tour of Flanders (the windswept undulating badlands between Ellesmere and Ruyton). Erstwhile rearguard rider Ian regrettably failed to make the outing, having succumbed to an acute case of gutrot.
January saw a slightly reduced Crapi peloton as the after effects of Christmas colds and apathy clung on to one or two weary members. A few hardy souls braved the frosts and ice for a trip to Bala two weeks ago, but our numbers were swelled to six this week (welcome to Craig)for a 50 mile route of the Tour of Flanders (the windswept undulating badlands between Ellesmere and Ruyton). Erstwhile rearguard rider Ian regrettably failed to make the outing, having succumbed to an acute case of gutrot.
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