Coppi's comeback 28/04/12

Following a very impressive turnout last week (12), this weekend saw the poorest showing all year, with Robbo resigned to riding solo. Fortunately, an unexpected eleventh hour e-mail from Coppi suggested that the two of them meet up in Overton, on the strict understanding that 'it wouldn't be a fast one'! A very pleasant couple of hours then ensued along the highways and byways of Shropshire and Cheshire. At one point, Coppi swept alongside Robbo and led at the best part of 30mph along a flat section, which is pretty remarkable when you consider he hadn't been able to even walk for 3 months until a few weeks ago!! Based on today's showing, there's plenty of life and fighting spirit in the Flying Dead Italian, and all of the lads are right behind you as you continue to regain your fitness ready for Les Alpes.

Big Long Crapi Day Out

Corwen to Vrynwy

Off the Back - 12/04/14 - Crapi Bonkathon

9am in Corwen was the Patron’s decree this week. Messrs Patron, Chris, Ron, Matinee, Craig, Brian, Brian’s mate Gareth, the Candle and the Lantern answered the call. Carl sent a note to say the ride wasn’t hard enough and he wouldn’t be coming (cunningly disguised as a cold!) and Coppi is still malingering with his bruised (Ronnie's kerb side diagnosis), I mean broken, hip. In a turn up for the books it was Patron and his wacky sidekicks who were last to arrive and the Candle, who has often suffered from the Patron’s tongue (god that conjures up some horrific images), took great delight in pointing out the lateness of the hour.

At slightly after 9am the peleton rolled out in pursuit of Ron who had broken the record for needing a pee by needing one whilst still in the neutral zone!!

With everyone fresh(ish) the peleton made short work of the road from Corwen via Cynwyd, to Bala and were soon turning left by the pub who’s name escapes me (the White Horse possibly but no one really cares). The Candle, keen to show last week’s throwing in of the towel was an aberration, was showing well at the front.

After a few more ups and downs and a trademark pointless early attack by Ron, the group hit the lower slopes of the Bwlch-y-Groes and splintered into more pieces than a wineglass after being sat on by Fatima Whitbread.

The pace eased a bit at the front when the Patron called a piss-stop and the Candle and the Lantern made up some ground whilst discussing the finer points of Ms Pendleton (and quite a few there are too!!).

Gareth disappeared up the road standing in for Carl as the climbing expert of the peleton, weighing about the same as one of my legs. Rapidly followed by Craig on his new Cervelo (almost as nice as my bike honest!) with Matinee and Brian the beast around somewhere as well with the ever-present Ronnie and possibly Chris - how the hell am I expected to see that far up the road?!!?

Check out the pictures on the website though. Ron looks like Rhostyllen’s answer to Mario Cippollini - how cool does he look? Brian gurning like Les Dawson - which would explain why he told everyone in the café he been in the big ring and not noticed!!! Matinee and Chris looking like a couple of bouncers!!! Cheers to Gareth, our guest mountain goat, for the pictures.

Meanwhile back at the back, the Patron, true to his trademark phrases “I’m taking me time today” and the shudder inducing “I’ve had bad guts all week” was keeping the Lantern company as they toiled up the road about 50 metres behind the Candle. A regrouping after the descent meant they raced round the lake to the café but not before discovering an inescapable truth……the Candle was fecked!!!

After a lovely interlude it was time to tackle “the coldest road in Wales” as stated by Patron, Matinee, Ron, Chris, etc (you get the picture). The Lantern rather suspects this assertion has more to do with Craig’s observation that it was a downhill just after the café when everyone was still cold. The spirit of Sherlock Holmes is alive and well.

The peleton rattled down towards Penybontfawr where the only incident of note was a near coming together of Matinee’s bike with Craig’s back wheel, as Craig narrowly escaped running into the back of Ron who mistook the shouts of 'motorbike' for 'right'. Thankfully Matinee wasn’t floored again - just as well as he’s only just got his bike fixed complete with shiny celeste wheels. Rumour has it that he’s so colour co-ordinated that even his chamois cream is celeste!!

The Candle had started to look a little more ragged and the whisper in the peleton was it might be better to have him snuffed (look up your candle terminology) but he battled on gamely, all the while coughing like 25 year veteran pit pony (riding like one as well!!!).

Eventually the peleton reached Llangynog and the second major climb of the day; the Milltir Cerrig. Once again the peleton split faster than the seam on Geoff Capes’ trousers. By all accounts Ron crested the summit first followed by Chris and Robbo (credit to Gareth for stopping to take the pics). All the rest of you if you want me to mention your daring deeds you need to tell me!!!).

Again look at the photos; there’s one of Matinee and some guy called Craif on there who bears a striking resemblance to Craig (too much vino when labelling them perhaps Matinee….). Brian, possibly trying to make up for his gurning on the Bwlch, is displaying a fine set of gnashers not witnessed since Red Rum led the National.

Meanwhile the Patron and the Lantern were winding their way up, followed at varying distances by the Candle who was now scaring sheep such was the force of his hacking cough. Eventually the top came and some way later they joined up with the rest of the peleton.

The group stayed together all the way back to that pub I can’t remember the name of and the right turn that signals 9 miles to home.

9 miles turned out to be too far for some of the peleton. Apparently the lead group of Ron, Matinee, Brian and Gareth pushed on until at some point Gareth’s legs imploded Candle style and he was forced to limp back to the car park on his own. At some point, and I’m a bit hazy as to whether a bonk was involved or just fatigue, Brian slid off the wheel leaving Ron and Matinee to battle it out for bragging rights. In a gesture unheard of, at least within the Crapi peleton, they called a truce and rode in together holding hands and embracing like a couple of newlyweds (probably not, but it’s a nice image).

The Patron and loyal sidekick Chris were next home having left the job of shepherding the Candle home to Craig and the Lantern. Craig and the Lantern chatted away whilst all the while behind the Candle wheezed, coughed and spluttered - The loudness of which gave a clue as too whether they needed to slow down. Eventually a tired Candle rolled into the car park and flopped into the back of his car. I can confirm that eventually he did manage to dress himself and head off under his own steam and in the right direction.

I noted on Facebook last night that he’d claimed he didn’t get over 10mph for the last five miles - don’t worry mate your secret’s safe with us - it was at least 10 miles!!!

As ever thanks to everyone else who made the ride so enjoyable and to the Patron for deciding the route and therefore how much we all suffered. All in all a top day out and hopefully we’ll get to do it all again next week.

Tour of Flanders