It was one of those strange Autumnnal days last Saturday; sunny yet cold. Enough to make you think “F**k lets give the shorts one more outing” but cold enough later to make you think “The shorts can f**k off until next spring after today”.
After last weeks’ full turnout on parade there was no sign this week of Roger, the Candle, Mark or Elvis; sorry I mean Coppi as the peleton gathered for an unusually late 11.30 kick off. Your plucky Lantern was there early so the Patron could tweak his gears (don’t tell him but they’re still buggered!!). Confirmed no shows Vino and Chris amazed the Patron by turning up, along with Rocket Ronnie who noted with silent glee that brother Chris was coughing like a sixty a day man.
Enquiries about Coppi’s whereabouts brought the news that he was going out on his own that morning as the peleton’s late depart did not suit. Vino especially regretted the missed opportunity to trot out “If Elvis rode a bike…”. On the way down the Tally Ho a blinding white flash announced Coppi coming the other way. I’m not sure how far he’d been but last time I looked that fresh after a ride was when I stayed in bed!! (Only joking Elvis!!).
As the peleton went through Chirk the Lantern struggled to keep with the group & started emitting copious amounts of bodily fluids through his nose. He had a cold, and with the peleton looking lean, it looked like a day of suffering lay ahead.
After collecting Matinee & his next door neighbour, Brian - bedecked in very nice Demon Tweaks kit, the peleton rode off towards Oswestry. Thereupon the Patron made a mockery of his earlier assertion that it’d be an easy one by signalling a right turn up the Racecourse hill (following an earlier suggestion from Robbo).
As Ron, Vino, Brian, Matinee and Chris (the latter making a mockery of his assertion he had a cold!!) pedalled contentedly up the climb, it was left to the Patron to shepherd the heavily perspiring (and let's face it, just plain heavy) lantern up the climb. If he doesn’t hear from you for a couple of minutes the Patron is wont to shout over his shoulder “You alright”. The Lantern is normally too knackered to respond, but the occasional clunky gear mis-shift and grunt lets the Patron know he's still holding on.
Soon the top was crested and the peleton set off towards the Beast with the Lantern still yo-yoing off the back like the Patron’s pants when he’s had a curry! After turning up the beast the group turned right about halfway up and followed their newly found route over to Trefonen. Once there it was over to Blodwell and regrouping at the junction at the bottom. Once Matinee knew they were going left he shot off urging the Lantern to “Get on me wheel”. Overcome by nostalgia after not hearing this exhorting for many a month, the Lantern surprised everyone, not least himself, by doing just that. As Matinee flew past the Lime Kiln the peleton was strung out like something from Stop the Pigeon (Which one was Clunk? Answers on a postcard…). Eventually the Lantern saw a shadow on the road and knew the rest had caught up and he could ease up. Or as Brian succinctly put it “He was f**ked as soon as the road went uphill”!!
After crossing at Lynclys, Ronnie did his usual party piece and took the pace up to about 27mph, just to see the look on the Lantern’s face - he’d have needed good eyesight today though as he was dying at the back after following Matinee’s earlier efforts.
Following a restorative café stop it was home via Gobowen the Patron decreed. In Whittington, after some furtive whisperings between Brian and the Patron, the peleton hung a right and headed away from Gobowen. Chris and the Lantern - the cough brothers - slid to the back as Brian set a very jaunty tempo on the front. The road twisted and turned and went up down and roundlyleround before eventually coming out in St Martins. The lantern was thinking murderous thoughts about all of those at the front by this time as he was well and truly cooked - In hindsight it was a nice change and would have really enjoyed it if hadn’t felt like shit by then!!
At St Martins Brian (rapidly turning into one of the major roullers on the Crapi squad) and Matinee turned off to head back for Ellesmere. The rest of the peleton romped back to chez Patron with the Lantern coughing and spluttering in their wake. All in all a 54 mile romp with better weather than we’d any right to expect at this time of year.
As ever thanks to all who made the ride an enjoyable few hours out on the bike and hopefully see you all and a few others next Saturday. Apologies for the tardiness of this report but I really have felt like shit this week (getting my excuses in early for Saturday!!)
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