Sunday 7th of March - Spring is in the air

A beautiful cold and sunny day drew the biggest group of the year so far. Ten riders turned out in Oswestry at 9am sharp for a trip to Welshpool via the darkest Shropshire Clundy. I'd better name all as I'm sure this is a record for the Crapiwheelers, or certainly in the 6 years or so that I've been riding with them. Today's riders were me, Ian, Big Al, Little Al, Chris, Ron, Simon, Craig, Mark and Mike. I won't go into any more detail, as Ian is once again treating us to his account of the ride from his own unique perspective in the peloton, so enjoy another edition of Ian's 'Off the back'.

07/03/10 - The Patron’s new toy

All week the Patron has been saying ‘If the weather’s good summer bikes on Sunday’ and so it proved (at least for some of us). Le Patron turned up and was practically frothing at the mouth at the thought of using his trusty new steed on an official CRAPI outing. He was accompanied by Chris and Ron (the Boulder brothers possibly?), Matinee was already there as was the Lantern and his older brother - The Candle possibly? Mark (still no nickname so answers on a postcard) also arrived and was followed by recent recruit Craig (Blubber bear from wacky races maybe?). Simon ‘I’m desperate to get come out with you lads, just not this week’ (even the Lantern is sighted more often!!) arrived with Alan ‘Terminator’ Lewis (Mark 1 obviously). 10 riders!! A record for recent CRAPI rides.

Out of Oswestry to the Crossroads at Llynclys and then its right turn Clyde. The Candle bedecked in purple Ron Hills that makes him look like Blanche out of Corrie is putting in a good early showing, but the Lantern knows the truce won’t last; somebody somewhere will soon up the pace.

Actually the pace continues to be somewhat steady and quite enjoyable; the sun is out; Simon & Allan are comparing new bikes and all is well with the world. Lewis is telling the Lantern that he’s glad he’s out as it avoids them having to talk about him on the ride; the irony appears lost.

A fairly uneventful passage ensues to the first real climb of the day although the Candle’s face does manage to match the colour of his pants on several occasions! All too soon Alan Lewis and Simon have to leave us to forge ahead on their training ride - their heart rate/peak oxygen flow co-efficient had dipped below 7.5 or something technical like that. The rumour in the peloton is that Lewis’ better half has told him he needs to improve his stamina or else; not quite sure he’s got the right end of the stick there.

Riders begin to string out on the climb and the Candle, in true family tradition, is soon groveling at the back with the Lantern just ahead. Boulder Brother Ron stops for a slash and picks up a couple of dogs - not for the first time by all accounts!! Eventually the crest is reached and most of the bunch comes together on the descent. Apart from Boulder Bro Chris and Matinee, who have rocketed off the front in a no way competitive ride off to the café. It is feasible that Matinee simply needed the extra time to fix his hair before the lads arrived!!

Six manager’s specials and two fat bastard specials later, the somewhat heavier peleton left Welshpool. The pace was somewhat gentler immediately after the restart so it was disconcerting to see Mark off the back - thankfully he’d stopped to check his phone and not chuck the fat bastard breakfast he’d just consumed. Heading towards Buttington (at least that’s where I think it was) there was a rare phenomena that's only witnessed every 3 years or so - the Lantern did a turn on the front. He later told Blubber he was just showing him what it involved so he could have a go next time!! Turning off onto the undulating back lanes a split occurred in the peleton near the old observatory. Matinee, the Patron, the Boulder Brothers and unbelievably the Lantern (I can just here Ligget saying ‘…do my eyes deceive me or is that the Lantern - what’s he doing there’. At about the same time the Lantern was asking himself the same thing as the others put the hammer down so much he almost achieved take off speed. Had Le Patron’s rear thrusters come on at that moment he’d have landed in Shrewsbury.

After a brief detour for the rear of the peloton, the pack reformed and steadily headed back to Oswestry. About 5 miles out the wick was turned down and the Candle was snuffed out. After a sterling first ride with the lads he suffered the indignity of being towed home by the Lantern. Boulder Bro Ronnie was heard to mutter ‘About time he did some f*@king work’.

A lovely ride all round and nice to see the sun and the summer bikes. Thanks everyone for such an enjoyable ride and see you all next weekend.