With the Patron still doing his Jim Royle impression in Barmouth, it was left to the Matinee Idol to organise the weekly crapifest. Chris, Ron, Candle and the Lantern met in Rhostyllen. All Matinee had said was to meet him at Whitehurst at 9.30 for a ride with climbing in the first half and a flat second. Ronnie quizzed the others for information; Lantern knew the route but was sworn to secrecy. Ronnie said “I’ve no idea where we’re going today; I can’t think”. Lantern reflected that had the route been a circuit of Rhostyllen Ron would probably have uttered something similar.
The mini peleton set off and reached Whitehurst without incident. The Lantern took the time to casually mention to Ron all the training he’d been doing and how fast he’d gone. How the words would come back to haunt him…….
Matinee turned up with his next door neighbour, the soon to be christened Brian the Beast, complete with tattoos and a shiny Cannondale. Having recently turned to road biking after mountain biking it would be interesting to see how he fitted into the crapi peleton. Just fine seemed to be the answer as he displayed Ron-like tendencies to up the pace at the first sign of an incline in the road. After barely hanging onto his wheel through Llan the Lantern was pleased to hear Matinee impersonate the Patron and tell Brian to “Knock it back a bit”.
The group hit the bottom of the Horseshoe and the first real test of the day, The Candle set off at a brisk pace (which he paid for later in the ride….) and Chris, Matinee, Ron and Brian rode up together. Meanwhile back at the back, the Lantern was regretting those rash words of daring do to Ron earlier as his legs screamed as he trundled up the climb. Jesus he hadn’t felt like this for at least a week and a half.
Eventually puffing like a steam locomotive on its last dregs of stream he crested the final rise to be confronted by most of the peleton emerging from the bogs at the Ponderosa. “Christ” he thought “not even the FDI needs a piss stop that early”.
The peleton then made quick time down the main drag to Ruthin pausing only once when it sounded like the Beast had broken his bike. Thankfully this was not the case and the boys piled into the café stop in Ruthin. Brian’s hard man image, already under pressure from his friendly demeanour, was dealt a further blow when his mobile went off revealing his ring tone to be “Build Me Up Buttercup" (or something similar).
After refreshment the group headed towards the Clwyd Gate climb with the Lantern on the front - he figured it’d be his last chance for a while. Near the bottom of the climb the group swung left onto the dreaded Bwlch Pen barras climb. Steep is the first word that springs to mind. The Lantern avoided being first off but only because Brian was much further up the road and therefore on the steepest part. The Lantern pulled on his bars at an inopportune moment; i.e. when he had no forward momentum, and pulled a wheelie, spun 180 degrees and only narrowly avoided careering back down the climb. He ruefully thought “Now I know why Robbie McEwen always waited till the top…!!!” When he eventually reached the top it was many minutes before he could speak again!
A quick blast on the main road back towards Ruthin and the peleton turned left for Llanarmon, then after a couple of miles turned left to go up the Eryrys climb. Having climbed; or rather walked, this climb with Matinee before the Lantern was aware of the 17% hairpin and was somewhat amazed to get to the top of it still on his bike.
From here the group headed onwards; descending the Llanfynydd climb which Ron had flown up the week before, and descending down towards Cefn y Bedd. Here we had a bit of drama as Matinee claimed to have had a near miss with someone’s water bottle, riding straight over it with his back wheel. No one was missing any bottles so the peleton dismissed him as a paranoid fantasist, crossed the road and headed for Llay. Thankfully eagle eyed Ronnie noticed the Candle was missing a saddle bag. A halt was called whilst he went off to look for his bag. Reports that it resembled fresh road kill when he located it after Matinee barrelling over it remain, at time of going to press, unconfirmed.
Down to Rossett and on towards Holt the peleton sped. The Lantern took the time to ponder a few thoughts. Namely:
Was it merely the fact that Vino wasn’t there that was causing Ronnie to turn off the testosterone? N.B. That’s not to say he didn’t try and put the hurt on whenever he felt like it!! He has the attacking mindset of the absent Kazak!
Would anyone tell Brian when he peeled off the front he should drift to the back and not slot in second wheel for another go on the front?
Why did Chris keep putting in long turns on the front, look comfy on the climbs when he kept saying he was tired. The Lantern was tired and he wasn’t making any such foolish mistakes!!
After a water stop in Holt the group rode over to Bangor where the group split and the Lantern trailed back to Wrexham in the wake of the other three. Having felt below par all the way round with legs hurting badly on all the climbs he was somewhat taken aback by Ron saying it was the best he’d seen he go!!
After a quick chat with the Patron; back from Barmouth, who quickly filled the boys in on all his training whilst away, the group split to make their way home and avoid the drizzle.
As always it was pleasure to be out with everyone even if my legs did hurt all the way round. Brian impressed on his debut and I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of him in the peleton. The Lantern will be missing next week as the Candle has persuaded him to try the Wild Wales challenge before their Pyrenean adventure. Hopefully catch up with everybody the week after.
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