15/05/11 - At Least it’s not Sodding Raining!!!

A small apology for the tardiness of the last couple of reports, this was due to illness last week and being sh**ged this week. Haven’t even had chance to read Vino’s report yet but looking forward to after meeting my deadline.

A somewhat smaller peloton assembled at the Patron’s on a drab Sunday morning which threatened rain. Chris was waylaid doing stuff to one brother’s car and trying to cajole Dave into putting on his lycra on in anger once again. Mark “Honestly caravanning’s great lads…..” pulled a sickie &, looking at the leaden sky, the Lantern wished he’d done the same. Patron was claiming his back was “f**ked”, Peppers was “sh**ged” and Vino claimed to have an injured Achilles courtesy of a ladder. The Lantern looked rueful; this could only mean one thing - it’d be fast today. The peloton was rounded out by Roger Whittaker with a rendezvous with Matinee planned for Chirk.

A fairly uneventful run down the Tally Ho saw the Lantern on the front - it might be his only chance!! He followed this up by only sliding off the back about halfway up the other side. In Chirk Matinee, after a week’s holiday, was early; chomping at the bit to get going like a dog who’s smelled a bitch on heat down the road. After everyone had admired his tan (who’d have thought they had sun beds in Cornwall……) the peloton set off again.

Thankfully the group was spared the Rivers of Babylon experience of the previous week as they made their way up to Glyn Ceiriog without a soaking. Vino, Roger and Matinee frothing at the mouth at the prospect of the climb to come. A left turn in Glyn and they hit the climb. Unfortunately for the Lantern the climb hit back and he was soon frothing at the mouth himself as the others disappeared up the road. Roger and Matinee soon became a distant speck; followed by Vino & the Patron.

When the Lantern gratefully crested the top there was no sign of the others - the bastards!!! Thankfully Peppers; who’s pitted early due to poor tyre choice (well either that or he needed a piss) caught up and whistled past. The Lantern gamely followed him down to Selattyn; all the while with ‘Lost in France’ going round in his head for some reason……..

The rest of the group were waiting in Selattyn and the bunch sped through Oswestry and turned up towards Trefonen where once again the Lantern slid a little (but not as much as recent weeks!!). At the bottom of Blodwell Bank Vino turned on the afterburners as he sped towards Llynclys. Unfortunately no one was on his wheel and the rest of the peloton chased to catch him with the Lantern muttering dark thoughts under his breath as the pain mounted (However, let me stress it was NOT pain from being mounted….!!).

After the Crossroads Peppers hit the front and did his usual ‘Let’s see how fast I have to go before the Lantern turns blue). 30mph is the answer; a testament to the Lantern’s improving fitness!! After Peppers pulled over Lantern brought the pace down to 23 and then slid off the front and, shortly after, the back as well whilst thinking “F**k em, I know the way to the café from here”.

After some lovely sustenance and respite where the Lantern’s legs could be heard pinging like a cooling engine, the peloton set off back home.

Edited highlights of the return trip were the Lantern big ringing it up the drag from Oswestry towards Selattyn for the first time since 1947; the Patron not needing a piss stop at the top, Peppers suddenly finding the energy to race up the Tally Ho with Roger and the Lantern’s gears slipping so loudly that the Patron was convinced someone had bust a spoke!!

It may only have been 56 miles but the Lantern found it to be a bit of a grueller and whimpered quietly for the rest of the day. Still it’s a long time since his average broke 16mph so he was happy.

As always thanks to everyone for a great ride and looking forward to next Sunday’s ride already.

P.S. Ronnie/Chris/Allan/Anybody - It’s my birthday on Saturday and all I really want for it is a copy of the holiday DVD to watch!!!