The toughest aspect of this week’s ride appeared to be gathering the entire peleton in the same car park - Newtown only has 2 and we still managed a 5-4 split. Still thanks to an overly cautious early depart from home the peleton - Patron, Chris, Ron, Dave (Henceforth FDI), Matinee, Craig, Candle, Lantern and Vino (Hint to Vino that’s 9 people) - were still ready to roll out of Newtown at 9am.
Armed only with a printed map, 4 gels and a square jaw the Patron led the peleton out of Newtown and straight onto the first climb. The rest of the lads gave him a wide berth as he’d mention having bad guts (Ronnie can testify to the toilet acoustics later). Eventually after about 30 minutes on the front someone took pity and went to talk to him……Meanwhile at the back, an ever optimistic FDI was telling the Lantern his legs had gone as his hand crept towards his gel stash….
The peleton swung right off the main road and were soon enjoying the quiet country roads complete with stunning views. What a lovely way to ride your bike the Lantern thought. At that very moment an earth shattering “Piss stop boys” rent the air and scattered birds for several miles.
Ablutions complete, the peleton continued to wind its merry way down the country lanes with both FDI and the Lantern putting in appearances up at the front. Both later agreed that would do for the day. Somewhere around this time the pack missed a right which added 10 miles onto the day. Some have blamed the Lantern who was on the front at the time but in his defence I’d like to say 2 things:
1) Go on admit it, you loved the extra mileage.
2) Craig’s all singing (and yes it is very impressive) satnav thingy didn’t spot it either - I believe it thought we were on the outskirts of Bala at the time……..
Eventually the group made it to Elan Valley visitor centre and a very welcome rest. Fully refreshed the Patron and the Lantern visited the latrines. Ron had the misfortune to be in there at the same time and apparently hasn’t slept since.
Having refuelled and, in some instances, lightened the load, the group set off to ride up past the dams of the Elan Valley. A truly stunning bit of road followed and the group toiled on (well at least FDI and the Lantern did) before swinging right and climbing up out of the valley. Or so the Lantern thought. After a brief climb the road turned down again and headed towards the bottom of the day’s “climb”. The group had splintered by now and so the fast boys missed the sight of the Patron gripping the bars tight; the seat tighter and muttering a prayer as he hit the metal bridge just before the climb.
The Lantern had no such worries and sailed over it before gripping the bars tight; the seat tighter and muttering a prayer as he hit the bottom of the climb. Behind him he could hear Ron and FDI chatting as they climbed - bastards!! The Lantern suspects that FDI only shut up cause he was gulping a gel……
FDI and the Lantern failed to make the second picture of the day due to taking too long on the climb. Candle failed to make either on account of it being his camera.
The lovely descent was over far too soon and Craig was yelling “left turn” after finally figuring out where the “on” switch was on the Garmin. Just after the turn the Lantern distinctly heard Craig say it was about 15 miles to go…..
When the peleton regrouped at a Post Office it was still about 15 miles to go apparently……
Half a mile outside the village the Lantern led the group onto the A470, up a drag and past a sign that said Newtown 20 miles - **@@%&^ Garmin the Lantern thought.
Once the Lantern pulled over Dick Dastardly, sorry I mean Ronnie, hit the front. After skulking at the back for most of the ride he now did what he does best. Tries to hurt people in the last 20!! The pace went over 30 and the FDI then hit the front and kept the pace high. Whilst the Lantern prayed for absolution the peleton sped on like someone had shoved half a pound of ginger up its jaxie as rider after rider came through and the peleton ate up the mileage.
Mercifully, at least from the Lantern’s viewpoint, Patron called a halt and the group turned left, missed another right and then eventually turned right. At this point (approx 77 miles in) the peleton splintered with the big boys going to fight it out and FDI and the Lantern bringing up the rear with their minders - Chris and the Patron.
Apparently the Garmin had one last trick up its sleeve as the lead group, now shorn of the Candle, overshot their turn and allowed the Candle to claim “First back to the cars” honour. Though technically his transport was in a different car park so maybe that disqualifies him….?
All in all a fantastic day out for the lads and, as always, thanks to all of you for making it such a pleasure to ride with the Craps. Hopefully we’ll all meet up again next weekend and do it all over again J
P.S. Hope you all guessed FDI stood for Flying Dead Italian
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