N.B. For those guests unfamiliar with various nicknames the real name of the rider is in brackets after nickname’s first use.
The first ride of the New Year saw a mammoth turnout in the peleton. Closer inspection revealed it to be merely the Lantern (Ian) who’d had a very good Xmas. On parade at the Patron’s house were Chris, Ron, Rocket man Mark, Cabbage (Cabbage!!), guest stars Gaz & Ed, Patron (Big Al), Lantern and, unbelievably, the Candle (Mike) who was not only there but ready to ride at 9am. Could 2012 finally be the year he gets his act together?!!?
The peleton looked more like a conga line as it made its way down towards Overton and a rendezvous with Matinee (Paul) and the Beast (Brian). Once Matinee had commented on the amazing size of the Patron’s peleton the group set off en route for Prees.
Chris found time after one of his stints on the front to regale the Lantern with the spec of his 1907, its like its brand new, lead weighted, triple butted (or something like that) frame with a 47 big cog thingy on it. Well it was something like that anyway!! He’s seen me glaze over often enough by now when he talks spec to know the Lantern has no idea.
Cabbage tapped out his fast cadence in the middle of the bunch.
Meanwhile Gaz and Ed were looking frisky up the front of the bunch, and the Beast & Matinee put the hurt on by riding through drags without apparent effort whilst the Davies brothers started to rue their Xmas excesses.
Ron (God bless him) was his usual erratic self on the front; fast on the flat; faster on the drags and like Driving Miss Daisy on the descents. Has he been watching too much Strictly do you think (quick, slow, quick, quick, slow) The peleton concertinaed like, well a concertina I suppose.
Cabbage tapped out his fast cadence in the middle of the bunch.
Al called a right turn to keep out of the traffic and the Lantern, as is his wont, carried far too much speed into the turn (honestly guys I can’t help my momentum) and was only saved from sprawling on the grass by Patron’s urgent “Gravel” cry. He may have sounded like Len Ganley on helium but the Lantern whispered a prayer of thanks as he very niftily parked up against the kerb before catching up.
The pace down to Prees was somewhat sprightly given that Gaz and Ed had professed a desire to be back in Hawarden by 1pm. The average to Prees was easily 17.5mph and, as the Lantern termed it “Far to f**king fast”. The highlight of the café stop was undoubtedly Ron’s admission that after reading that Gladys (a mate of both Mike and Craig’s whose real name is James) was going with him to France, Mrs Ron very nearly put an end to Ron’s Alpine adventure!!!!!
After a hearty feed and Ron’s first full café experience for weeks, the group headed back home via Wem, Ellesmere, etc.
Chris got things rolling on the front and the rest of the group followed like a well oiled machine. The only disconcerting thing was the length of time it took to drift to the back following a turn on the front. Mark “I haven’t been out for weeks” was also showing well up the front along with the usual suspects.
A couple of riders tried to reduce the number in the peleton at the Wem turn off by making a suicidal dive in front of oncoming traffic. Thankfully everyone emerged unscathed and the pacey bas**rds once again set off on the front.
Cabbage tapped out his fast cadence in the middle of the bunch.
By the time we got to Ellesmere the strain was starting to show for a few of the peleton. The Lantern was starting to yo-yo, Gaz was looking a bit worse for wear, the Candle was looking snuffed and Ed looked like his impressive first outing was on the wane. Unfortunately there was no respite as Matinee and the Beast didn’t turn off here as expected. No doubt they didn’t want the like of Chris and Ron getting any extra mileage in on them.
After Ellesmere the Lantern managed to catch up whilst Gaz drifted off the back and the Patron, as ever, faded back to keep a paternal eye on him. One gel later and Gaz was back up the front and the group was pretty much together by the time Matinee and the Beast split off in Overton.
Cabbage tapped out his fast cadence in the middle of the bunch.
The rolling road from the Plassey back the A483 snared a few victims with the Lantern pedalling like he had no power left in his legs (guess why that was..!!). Gaz was swearing to the Patron that the last ten miles had been the hardest he’d ever done (didn’t he say that last time he came out?). Chris on his 400lb bike was also starting to struggle. It was a very fractured peleton who arrived back at the Patron’s.
Ron, Cabbage, Ed (who appeared to be full of vim and vigour again) and the Candle finished somewhere up the road followed by Gaz, the Patron and the Lantern with Chris and Mark bringing up the rear. Tales of who dropped who swirled around him but frankly the Lantern was far too f**ked to care by this stage. “So much for sodding winter pace” he thought bitterly as his melting thigh muscles slowly pooled in his ankles. The gist appeared to be that Cabbage dropped everyone and Al has decreed that Cabbage is having a lead framed bike for his birthday.
Of course a few days later it doesn’t seem so bad and next week’s ride is creeping over the horizon. Thanks to everyone who came and made the ride so enjoyable (well bearable anyway). Hopefully we’ll see Ed & Gaz before too long and if we can get Roger Whitaker & Vino out we’ll have a Baker’s dozen. See you all next week guys.
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