Off the Back Archive - 1st June 2008

Well the day finally dawned when it was time to return to the peleton and reconnect with the pain. After several weeks of intense (ish) training I could delay it no more. Some things haven't changed in the 8-9 months I've been away. The patron still wants to go far too bloody early in the morning & he still says it'll be a nice gentle ride. Dolgellau - Aberdyfi - Towyn - Fairbourne - Dolgellau is the "nice gentle route". The first shock is seeing Ron decked out in a Tour de France yellow jersey - it’s like having your own sun along on the ride.

The full CRAPI compliment - Chris, Ron, Al, Paul and me set off and soon we hit the first climb & I remember why it took so long to come back..... The others amble on their way barely seeming to have to turn the pedals whilst I start to sweat like its 35 degrees and my breathing develops a style last heard on the sound effects for Ivor the Engine. After half an hour or so the fun subsides and we reach a downhill bit - the patron has waited and I chase him down the other side (he owes me money!) and we catch the others. Another hill ramps up and again the others seem to float up it whilst I now sound like Ivor the Engine with a blown gasket! On the next descent the CRAPIs are unable to hold the testosterone in check any longer and we hurtle down at over 30mph until Ivor's second gasket goes and I leave them to it.

Ron again shows a pressing need for a satnav on his bars when he then misses the turning for Aberdyfi. The road's flattish with a couple of drags. Each drag is murder for me, legs screaming like Mariah Carey at full throttle. I go backwards rapidly. Each time I nearly make it back another drag; and so it goes. Coming into Aberdyfi the CRAPs do their usual upping the tempo whilst each one pretends they’re not really trying, I stagger in alone and knackered. It's only halfway!!

After breakfasts and teas all round and fortified by Ron's comment about how far me belly sticks out it’s off again. The pace to the rest is probably nice and steady but I can feel the elastic stretch almost to breaking point as they race through Tywyn with my clinging to the back (I know my place!). Chris and the Patron pull me up a couple of drags and soon I find myself hurtling through Fairbourne at the back of the CRAPI express. I look up to see the Patron wipe some sweat off his brow and flick it behind him - it hits me in the face like a bucket of water. Refreshed I redouble my efforts and cling to their coat-tails as they scream along the valley floor like a low level jet.

The hill at Arthog finishes me off, Chris, Ron & Paul fly off to have their own private battle and the Patron settles in to drag me home - as I said some things never change. After thinking the pain will never end I arrive back at the car in 3 hours dead (and so am I very nearly), having done 50 miles and averaged over 16mph. I had forgotten how knackered you can feel at the end of a ride with the CRAPIs but at the same time feel great. The feeling is short-lived as Al announces a 70 miler for next weekend but tells me it'll be nice and gentle, now where have I heard that before.........

A big thank you to the rest of the CRAPIs for putting up with me today, despite my bitching I never lose sight of the fact that you'd be going a lot faster without the tubby lantern to slow you down. I will try to be better next week honest.