Off the Back Archive - 22nd June 2008

As last Sunday was a trifle windy the Patron decided to take us up on the Moors. Thankfully I was blissfully unaware of this until it was too late. The Rocket Ronnie lost his computer to a falling branch before the ride even started. The first challenge was to get on the bike without being blown off. Another unsuspecting innocent and occasional guest rider, Mark, had joined us on his gleaning new Giant. Things were looking ominous.

Things set off at a fairly brisk pace due to a headwind as, dodging bits of flying tree, we eased past Bala lake (you could have surfed on the waves). Just after Llanuwchllyn (I think it was) was turned right and mercifully had a break from the wind. Just as I began to think this could be quite pleasant the Patron uttered the by now immortal phrase "There's a bit of drag coming up". This is normally the sign for extreme suffering as the road ramps up but this time it didn't... only because a ramp doesn't do justice to the steepness of the gradient and the pain in my legs. Everyone else cursed their way up but I wasn't so much off the back as off the bike. Yes I had to walk for a bit. Following this little warm up the road continued its upward trajectory for far too many miles for my liking. When the patron asked how I was feeling all he got in response was "This is ludicrous". It was, but things were about to get worse.

When we finally crested the last hill (for the time being) I thought I'd get on the front for the descent (actually I was just too tired to stop when everyone else did). I rounded a corner and the full force of the 60 odd mph wind hit me like a truck. The wind was funnelling right up the valley and by the end of the descent both Mark and I had to bury ourselves in an attempt to hang onto the back!! I thought biking was supposed to be fun. Eventually we hit civilisation, or rather the A470, and turned for Trawsfynydd. Right a nice bit of tarmac, not too much wind, maybe a chance to recover.... The pace went up quicker than Landis' legal bills and I was soon "off the back". This was when the crapis decided it was time to play one of their favourite games. One of them, Chris in this instance, waits for me and drags me bag to the bunch at a pace I can barely cope with. As soon as we are back on, before I can drag a draft of sweet air into me lungs the lead rider goes off like someone's shoved a firework up his jaxie. This leaves me off the back again, they repeat this until they get bored. I know we are headed for Ffestiniog before the cafe so am frankly appalled when we wizz past two signposts indicating a turn for the place! Eventually we do turn for Blaenau and yet another drag, I am now gasping like a new prisoner who's dropped the soap. I'm beginning to doubt whether I'll make the cafe let alone get back to Bala. Somewhere around Ffestiniog the group fragments and Chris is once again left shepherding the weak and infirm (or in this case Mark & me). Eventually, after another long drag naturally, we arrive at the cafe where the Patron narrowly escapes being beaten with a big stick by dint of the fact its open. My sole consolation is that Mark now looks like he's joined my world of pain.

We leave the cafe and another long drag ensues, Mark appears like a frisky young puppy and I am once again hanging on for grim death at the back. As soon as we hit the main road back to Bala it all kicks off (as usual), Chris, Paul and Al open a small gap on the rocket and go for the kill. Mark and I are falling behind faster than a mobility scooter at a Grand Prix. Mark and I make a combined effort to close up to the rocket so we can work together back to Bala. The rocket looks behind and sees us closing, I swear it’s only his sunglasses that keep his eyeballs in, he can't believe what he's seeing. Head down and legs spinning like Billy Whizz he disappears again. Mark and I work together and set a respectable tempo and arrive back not too long after the others. It is without doubt the windiest ride I've been on and the early stages were amongst the hardest yet (the Patron emails everyone later to say there was over 1100m of climbing), now that it’s all over, everyone's enthusing about the ride and keen for more (provided it’s not til next week of course). As always thanks to Chris, Ron, Al, Paul and Mark for an enjoyable ride - see you next week guys.