Off the Back 16th April 2011

Coppi gets the knock!!

Apologies for the relative lateness of this week’s reminiscences but the Lantern has been somewhat preoccupied with other matters this week. The big question now is can I remember what happened - who knows and who cares!!!

For a change the ride started from Maesbury and as the patron was still suffering from amnesia we got to start at 10am - much more civilised (though it appears to have cleared up judging by Saturday‘s start time!) Roger Whittaker arrived early and lounged in the café, the lantern arrived followed by older brother; the candle. Patron, Pepperami, Chris and brother Coppi (Dave!!) arrived followed shortly by Matinee who had ridden over from Ellesmere.

The troop set off sedately, promising Fiona and Ian they’d be back for tea and cake - rather like a Famous Five adventure (which probably makes the Lantern Timmy the dog…..). The Lantern soon found himself in unfamiliar surroundings; on the front. Just for the novelty value he gave it a go before pulling over sweating profusely. Riders took turns on the front smoothly and without fuss. Where was the back biting and disorganisation of recent weeks the lantern wondered…….

Coppi hit the front, egged on by Chris, and shot up a drag as though he was wanting to take off. After a quiet word from the Patron about the distance left he quietened down and things continued apace. Roger challenged Peppers for the Lord Baltimore crown by going straight on at the left fork but the consensus was it was just a ruse to get off the front of the peloton!!!!

Twenty odd miles in we hit the first real drag and it made Coppi reel. Those fateful words “I’ve got the knock” were uttered and the Lantern sympathetically thought “Hey I might not be last today!!!”. By the time the group turned off for the Hirnant Coppi was pedalling squares whilst sucking a gel and eating a chocolate bar simultaneously.

Patron, Matinee, Roger and the Candle ambled up the Hirnant (if such a thing is possible), followed by Peppers and then the Lantern. Chris was still shepherding Coppi up the climb. Peppers imparted the news “He’s f*cked; there’s no way he’ll get up here unless he’s walking”. Barely had he uttered those words than Chris and Coppi came into view. Admittedly Coppi was weaving all over the road like an inebriated ferret but he was still on his bike.

The ride to the café from there was fairly uneventful but Coppi was very quiet during the break, barely touching his beans on toast and not even a solitary “grazie” passed his parched lips. After this brief repose the peloton had an equally brief descent before the long drag up past the hairpin and up past the campsite. By the time the Lantern, Chris and Coppi reached the junction they realised no one was waiting.

Apparently Matinee had pushed on and dropped Candle and Roger who though chasing fiercely, were not making much impression (well that’s the Matinee’s version away). Eventually they caught up when Matinee started riding with no hands to allow the catch. Patron and Peppers chased and chased and had the leaders in sight before turning right in Llansantffraid to go for Knockin. As the Patron had not told anyone else this was the way home no one else went that way!!! Its just struck me now that this was actually an old Wacky Races cartoon - Matinee is Peter Perfect obviously, Candle and Roger would be Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug (decorum prevents me from saying which is which….) and Patron and Ron were Dick Dastardly and Muttley taking a sneaky shortcut!!! Actually I think I’ve seen that one…………….

Back to the Gruppetto; after a brief episode of teeth grinding Chris began the arduous task of dragging Coppi and the Lantern home. The journey passed surprisingly swiftly with the Lantern doing small turns on the front and Coppi keeping up well third wheel. Coppi having vowed at various points to give up cycling, beer and spend the next week in bed made it back in relatively fine fettle and gets my man of the match award for making it back following his early encounter with the knock!!

Most of the peloton retired to the café and got Coppi’s mouth-watering (or was it his eyes) with talk of the following week’s gated road ride complete with the infamous “ludicrous” climb.

Hopefully everyone will be on parade again next Saturday in Bala - the Lantern especially hopes Coppi is there to give him someone to talk to!! Seriously though Coppi I hope you can make the weekend and take on board the Lantern’s one sage piece of advice - WEAR SHORTS FOR F*CKS SAKE!!!!!!!